The Films That Made a Horror Movie Scaredy Cat into a Horror Movie Lovey Cat, Part I: The Not So Scarifying Classics
Or: How I Learned To Embrace The Horror, And How You Can, Too
I’ve kind of always been a Movie Guy™* (thank my mom for that) but I have absolutely not always been a Horror Movie Guy™. In fact, I’ve never handled scares well, especially jump-scares (thank extended family member Richard for that). That plus a vivid and torturously detailed imagination that reveled in nightmares kept me far away from the horror genre for a long time; until last year, really. But over the course of just a few months, that finally changed.
In the summer of 2022, a couple friends and I decided to embark on a “Summer of Spoop,” a walking hand-in-hand-in-hand into the eager jaws of horror classics in order to catch up on the genre and have a support group to lean on while doing it (here’s the sheet if you’re curious what we watched — it’s a bit different from the list of films here, including contemporary “classics” like Disturbia and Jennifer’s Body, trains we’d missed in our ‘fraidy cat youth). As we went, I found the process working; I felt consistently less horrified and more thrilled, and made many extracurricular explorations outside our official watchlist. By the end of the summer, we recognized ourselves as horror genre apprentices; certified Horror Movie Lovey Cats™.
Looking back, there are some legitimately scary movies on that list, including It Follows, a film that scares while it’s there and lingers in the mind like garlic oil under fingernails; Scream, still probably the ultimate should-I-be-laughing-or-screaming flick; even pieces of the altogether hokey, extremely 2000s Disturbia. These I would not recommend to our vulnerable, scare-curious crowd.
The following films, however, I heartily recommend to our horror babies; all who are curious about the genre but also understandably, justifiably, rightly scared to dive in. Collectively these movies constitute, I think, a gentler descent into the depths of the horror than, say, immediately watching The Descent (watching The Descent would appropriately be like diving into the deep end). They are still at least a little scary; but they’re not, in my opinion, “keep the lights on and barricade the closet for a week” scary. They’ll be a great foundation from which to explore further, deeper, should you so desire, to get a sense of the different kinds of horror movies, and ultimately figure out what you like within the genre. Just as you don’t have to dislike all horror, you don’t need to like all horror, either.
Here they are, and best of luck to you Horror Movie Scaredy Cats…hmhmhmhmwhahahahaha…
Quality Over Quakes: Horror Classics That Aren’t So Scary
This Part I contains, as stated, “horror classics that aren’t so scary” due to certain factors. Those factors include: the age of the film, and the fact that older special effects utilizing claymation (The Thing), puppetry (Poltergeist, Alien), or man-in-monster-costume (The Fog) do not read as horrifyingly to modern audiences as they once did; or that the plot of the film, while including horrifying elements, isn’t entirely about scaring its audience (Get Out, In the Mouth of Madness); or the films are perhaps too classic, and its plot, tropes, and/or themes are so well known or so parodied that most viewers, whether they know it or not, have an understanding of the film before they ever actually watch it (The Shining, The Exorcist, Halloween, Psycho), rendering their scares far less surprising than they were on original release.
Many of these films also lay the groundwork for the tropes of decades of horror films to come. To me, watching these first makes watching future horror movies both easier and more fascinating (as we’ll see in Part 2: "Fun Scary”), as so many later films borrow from, honor, play off of and twist on these established classics. In other words: these films teach you (taught me) the language of horror movies, so you might better understand, appreciate, and enjoy all those thereafter.
John Carpenter’s The Fog (1980) and The Thing (1982)
We start with an undeniably goofy, but classic horror film and a certified all-time genre favorite. John Carpenter is a name that comes up in every conversation about horror classics, as he constructed (and/or perfected) so much of the cinematic language of horror that’s still being spoken today. These first two films should fully set the tone for what’s to come.
The Fog is a quintessential campfire scary story come to life. Ghost pirates (ghost pirates!) haunt a gloomy coastal town that has papered over its violent past. It is hokey, but incredibly fun, with so many tropes that only further the campfire feeling laid down in the prologue (there’s spooky knocking, a spooky fog, and spooky magic). Plus, Jamie Lee Curtis makes an early career, post-Halloween appearance in a smaller but impactful role.
The Thing is, maybe, the horror movie that horror-lovers recommend above all others, especially to those that aren’t so enthused about the genre. And that’s for good reason. It’s the first and only horror film that I watched and enjoyed long before embarking on my Summer of Spoops, and I only really watched it because Kurt Russell was the lead, and I figured with him there, how scary could it be? The truth is that while many horrifying events happen in The Thing, not many of them are scary. I mean, they’re kind of conceptually scary, and startlingly violent, but not like…scary. You’ll see what I mean. It’s a hell of a ride, and one I envy you on your first trip.
Psycho (1960)
You know Psycho. Or at least, you know one scene in Psycho. You cannot have eyes and ears and be born in America and not know the shower scene from Psycho. But did you know there’s another 105 minutes of this movie around that scene?
I watched Psycho for the first time in our Summer of Spoops and was surprised at how much I enjoyed the movie despite having its two big twists long-since spoiled. It’s just simply a very good film, in which the horror lies more in Anthony Perkins’ impenetrable motives rather than the violence. It’s desperate, strange, and patient, and almost certainly a different movie from what you think it is if you’ve never seen it.
Poltergeist (1982)
Poltergeist is an outright fun movie. It begins with a simple suburban haunted house-with-haunted children plot (later to be taken to darker extremes by films like The Babadook and Insidious) and escalates to some extraordinary and unexpected places. Its villains, both human and supernatural, are cartoonishly evil. Its shocks, including the famous “furniture rearrangement” scene and the pictured “they’re heeeere,” still land. Its special effects, by ILM (Industrial Light & Magic, the studio behind so many Spielberg and Lucas adventures), are vivid, nasty, and thrilling…if, yes, charmingly dated. It is, in its way, a horror flick for the whole family.
In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
Welcome to apocalyptic horror by way of John Carpenter. In the Mouth of Madness is Lovecraft meets Stephen King, a dark spiral into small town New England as we follow insurance investigator Sam Neill on his hunt for a “lost” bestselling author on the eve of the release of his next book. Like all but one of Carpenter’s other flicks on this list, there are many terrifying events to witness here, but not too many scarifying events. It is goofy, creepy, and there is, ultimately, no escape. I’m not a Big Lovecraft Guy, but I’d say I’m a Big this movie Guy. Plus, it features one of my favorite horror movie endings — if not straight up movie endings — of all time.
Alien (1979)
Alien still rules. The seminal film to ask, “What if there was an alien?” answers that question better than the galactically vast majority of movies featuring extraterrestrial life, including its own sequels and prequels (Aliens asks a slightly different question: “What if there were several aliens?”). Like Psycho, upon first watch it is a quieter and more patient movie than expected, grounding its characters and pacing you through the dim metallic halls of its claustrophobic, neo-capitalist world before the characters run for their lives through the dim metallic halls of…you get it. And when Alien finally kicks into gear, there is no stopping until you’re adrift in the dispassionate void of space.
Get Out (2017)
I think about Get Out a lot. Not even really on purpose; it just sort of pops into my head. There’s one particular…outdoor…cardio…scene that I think about, which should be enough for most to know what I’m talking about without spoiling it for those who don’t. Most of the movies in this chunk of the list are classic-classics; Get Out is a modern classic. In my personal viewing history, it also predated the Summer of Spoops by quite a bit, and was one of the first horror movies that I decided I had to watch, scares be damned. And it is frightening; but what it is mostly is an intensely gripping, eerie psychological thriller and masterclass in dark humor featuring one of the most electric screen actors today (Daniel Kaluuya). It’s worth thinking about a lot, accidentally.
The Exorcist (1973)
The Exorcist is essentially the shared ancestor of nearly all modern exorcism and possession-related media. Another film I knew oodles about before I ever worked up the nerve to watch, The Exorcist surprised me in the many ways it’s a different movie than I thought it’d be, and in the ways it’s exactly what I thought it’d be. From the opening sequence in an unexpected setting to the many, many child-possessed tropes copycatted by countless movies and TV shows ever after (and hardly ever improved or expanded upon), The Exorcist is still all the entertaining quintessential exorcism movie it’s known to be. Because it’s been Xeroxed so frequently over the years, you’ll have seen shadows of many of its scariest moments already, diminishing the frights it has to offer. However, its deeper, more heartfelt narrative and performances and powerful, thoughtful visuals set it apart even today.
The Shining (1980)
Now we’re getting to the more genuinely scary part of the list. Most of The Shining is tolerably creepy; but it contains a couple moments of real terror, despite the fact that we’ve all seen the blood flooding from the elevator, the twins in the hall, and, you know, “Johnny!” If you’ve watched all, or even a few other films in this section before this, however, I think you’re ready. The majority of The Shining isn’t scary, anyway; it’s a sad, suspenseful, supernatural and occasionally fantastical story about a broken family and a boy with…abilities. It’s a technical masterpiece, from the innocent Big Wheel-cam to the thrumming, primordial score. It’s the kind of movie that makes facing the terrible things that lurk in Room 237 worth it.
Halloween (1978)
Halloween still flat out works. You’ve seen Michael Myers in his kitchen knife-wielding, Shatner mask-wearing glory; but if you’re reading through this list, there’s a decent chance you haven’t worked up the nerve to see him in action. And I don’t blame you, because he is, really, absolutely terrifying. There are a few goofy, clunky moments in Halloween to be sure, mostly related to the antics of the unfortunate teen targets of the supernaturally(?) gifted killer. But when the movie is following him, when he’s lurking, blurry, in the background of casual conversations, glimpsed behind hedges and out of windows, sometimes feeling like he’s holding the camera himself (and breathing into the microphone), it’s impossible not to be scared of this horrifyingly determined thing…in a typical American neighborhood!
There’s a reason Halloween is the final film in the first part of this list/journey, though. It’s the exam at the end of the semester, the boss at the end of the level. You’re equipped, armed, and emotionally ready, certainly more so than Jamie Lee Curtis is in the film. And ultimately, Halloween sheds context on all slasher movies thereafter, which all pay homage to this, the progenitor and still best of the bunch.
Part 2: “Fun Scary” coming soon to CONSUME.
*All uses of the “TM” symbol should be considered very funny jokes, and not at all seriously intended or infringing upon someone’s almost certainly real trademark on the term, “Movie Guy.”
Any not-too-scary horror classics essential to newcomers that I missed? Are these still too scary for the scare-curious? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.